A lot can happen in six weeks

 A lot has transpired over the coarse of the last six weeks. Sometimes it’s almost comical to us when we say it all out loud. It’s just a lot sometimes. I have had a hard time processing it all and often feel emotionally exhausted. I feel weighed down by it all and at the same time I feel a sense of gratitude for what we experience God doing in the midst of it. It’s strange isn’t it, how you can experience both? I’m Thankful for a beautiful friend who has sent me scripture every day for the past month.  It’s been like an IV drip that my body so desperately needs and that I shouldn’t neglect especially when I feel at my worst.

Let me take you back six weeks. We had just said good night to Hannah and Jason was helping me into bed. Just to give you an idea of what that looks like. Jason helps me out of my wheel chair and holding onto him in a standing position,  I’m able to shuffle a few steps to the bed. This particular night my legs did not feel as strong and my right leg gave out causing me to fall. Since I was holding onto Jason he was able to soft land me onto the floor but my leg bent somehow. He scooped me up and placed me onto the bed. I was in excruciating pain from my leg and had trouble sleeping that night. We thought it was just sore from the fall. The next morning my leg and knee were so swollen we knew something was wrong. We went to urgent care where they did X-rays and determined I had broken my femur bone just above my knee. Since then I have had to keep it immobilized and have two people carry me around to the shower, toilet, bed, etc.  I was in extreme pain for a few weeks. The pain has finally become tolerable and I’m hopefully on the tail end of things. Hoping this Tuesday that I will be cleared to start bearing weight again.  Bearing weight will allow me to use the restroom on my own restoring some dignity and independence. You can only imagine how hard that’s been.  I’m so grateful for an incredible husband who has served his wife so beautifully and sacrificially. You all need to know he is the real hero in this. 

A week or so ago Noah went to UCLA to have a biopsy to check on some rejection he has been dealing with since earlier this year. So far it has been manageable. He had this procedure on a Monday. On Tuesday the team from UCLA called and told us they wanted to admit Noah into the ICU to start some aggressive treatments. The rejection was worse and we were now dealing with two types. You can read all about it here on the caring bridge site:

https://www.caringbridge.org/site/56d6e9dc-92f9-3185-9b7a-ed7734578f59?utm_source=website_share&utm_medium=share_button&utm_term=&utm_content=link_share_button&utm_campaign=private_home_page

We now wait a month or so to see if the treatments have worked. He will need to be extra careful while he rebuilds his immune system. This news was not what we wanted to hear and it certainly wasn’t what we wanted to walk through. We thought we would have years before we were dealing with rejection. It’s not what any one of us wanted but Noah is stable and they are working hard to keep it that way.

  I was immediately reminded of a conversation I recently had with a friend . I was offering some encouragement because she was having a hard time trusting the Lord with her oldest and some upcoming life decisions. Little did I know God would use this conversation to remind me of those same words and challenge me with them a week later.   I was telling her that we fear watching our kids go through hard things but it is in the trials, in the wilderness where we grow more like Jesus. He provides exactly what we need. It’s where we see him, we depend on him and recognize our need for him.  Those very things refine us. It’s hard to look at the valleys in that way. It’s scary.  It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer even when you know it produces good.  I’m sure I have mentioned this before. My favorite C.S Lewis quote is what he said after his wife was diagnosed with Cancer. He said “I have no doubt God will be good to us, I just don’t know how hard that good will be.  I feel this for both Noah and my situation.

As I sit and reflect, these come to mind. Rejoice with me. 

Things I’m thankful for:

Noah is stable 

There is treatment available 

Insurance and good hospital team

My fracture did not require surgery

Noahs hospital treatment was not when I was in extreme pain so I could be present.

A wonderful caregiver/Helper that started helping a few days a week.

My Husband and Hannah who have literally carried me around multiple times a day.

Beautiful cards, meals, texts, and flowers 

The word of God

So much more that I know I’m forgetting.

Prayer requests:

Ongoing treatment for Noah and that his next biopsy will show the treatment is working.

Good results for Mel at her orthopedic apt. next week. Praying I can start bearing weight. Pray for no set backs with my muscle weakness.

Acceptance

 Last month I asked you all to pray for Noah and I and our upcoming procedures.  I went in on June 14th to have my pacemaker switched out. There was nothing wrong it was just time for a new one. Because of my past surgeries My biggest prayer leading up to this procedure was for no complications and to be able to come home same day. The Lord was so gracious in answering our prayers.  The procedure went smoothly, I was the first case at 8:00 a.m and was discharged at 1:00 p.m. It was a smooth recovery and I’m so happy to have it behind us. 

  Noah was scheduled the same week for his routine heart biopsy. Unfortunately they had to reschedule his procedure for a later date due to a more pressing case they had.  It got rescheduled this last Monday and he spent the whole day at UCLA.  The next day we got an unexpected call from UCLA saying the biopsy came back showing some rejection. This occurs when the immune system reacts to the foreign antigens in the donor organ by mounting an immune response. Basically your body is recognizing there is something that doesn’t belong and attacks it. We knew that at some point Noahs body would eventually begin to reject his donor heart, we were just not expecting this to come so soon. They explained to us that they wanted to admit Noah and give him high doses of steroids for three days in hopes of controlling the rejection. This went smoothly and Noah is home now. They have added some new meds and adjusted some others. He will continue to be monitored and they will do another heart biopsy in three months,  As usual Noah had an amazing attitude and willing heart to do what he needed to do. He often encourages my heart by the way he responds to hard things. He seldom complains and just does what is asked of him. It wasn’t a great week to have to be admitted. Not just because it was a holiday week but because many of his plans got canceled including a big event for the young adults ministry that he helped plan. He often has had to miss out on planned events including one of his own birthday parties because of unexpected hospital stays. This is hard when you don’t feel or look sick but your heart very much is. His level of acceptance of these hard things is an example to me in my own challenges.  I don’t often have this level of response immediately. My first instinct is not always acceptance.  Truthfully I often cry out to God that I don’t want to do the thing he is asking of me even when I know it’s probably for my good or a way that will bring him glory. It’s hard to accept hard things.  

Elizabeth Elliot in her book “Suffering is Never For Nothing” says this about acceptance, she says" It’s never for nothing. Faith is the key to acceptance. Faith is not a feeling but a willed obedience action. Jesus said believe in me, accept, take up your cross and follow me.  Jesus said if you want to be my disciples, there are three conditions. First you must give up your right to yourself. Second you must take up your cross. Third you must follow. My understanding of giving up your right to yourself is saying no to yourself. And taking up the cross is saying yes to God. Lord, whatever it is You want to give me, I’ll take it. Yes Yes Yes." 

I want to keep these truths of Elizabeth Elliott on my heart as we walk the next hard thing.  Whatever it is Lord you ask of us we want to say YES because we trust you. 

Will you continue to pray this for our family. We love you and we thank you for walking with us.

WE DID IT!

 We did it! We survived Maycember. What is Maycember you ask? Maycember is that crazy month after April that is filled with every end of the year school activity known to man. Banquets, recitals, games, projects, finals, graduations, parties, activities, etc.  It’s just as busy and crazy as the month of December.  

This May was especially busy for our family. We had two very special graduations followed by a big party to celebrate our boys.  Not to mention our sweet girl getting her drivers permit and finishing her first year of high school. So many big milestones. Noah graduated Biola University with a degree in accounting. Jonah graduated high school with a goal to pursue a degree in Music for studio production at CBU.

My biggest prayer at the beginning of the school year was to be able to be present and participate in all the school events. I asked God to protect my health and give me the strength I needed to be able to attend these special activities. The Lord heard my cry and answered that prayer. I was able to avoid lots of sickness all around me and didn’t have to miss any of my kids special events. Thank you Jesus!   It was a great year full of many wonderful memories. I’m so proud of my kids and so thankful for the ways I see the Lord working in their lives. 

Being able to attend all these activities does not mean I always had the strength and energy or that I was free from pain and exhaustion. For me it meant sometimes giving up other things in my life and planning recovery days around each event. It meant  convincing doctors to push out a necessary surgery to June. There were still doctors apts. for  the three of us   (Mel, Noah, Hannah) and managing our daily care. However God in his great mercy sustained us and gave us the strength needed to keep persevering. I’m so grateful for all of it. 

As we look to June I would appreciate your prayers. June 10th Noah will have a heart biopsy and on June 14th I will be having pacemaker surgery to replace my battery.  These are big things but nothing our big God isn’t aware of. What to pray for? Pray Noah’s heart does not show increasing signs of rejection and that his pressures look good.  For my surgery please pray that everything will go smooth and I can come home same day.  Most importantly pray that our hearts would continually be focused on him the creator and sustainer.

We are grateful for your continued love, prayers, and support. 

Putting our Hope in things that Last

 Hello sweet friends,

I grieve not being able to write on this blog as often as I wish. It’s not due from a lack of words that’s for sure.  Unfortunately it’s because it takes a toll on my body and causes more pain than I would like to admit. The pain is from my weak fingers, hands, and neck muscles that it takes to type on my computer or phone. Because of my weak vocal muscles the speech to text isn’t an option either.  Don’t worry if you know me well, then you know I will find a way. We have ordered a tray for my chair that we are hoping will help alleviate some of the neck pain and I have had some dear souls offer to be my scribes. I share all of this to give you a peak into my world and the effort it takes to share my words with you. I continue to work on my book with an incredible team who is super patient with me. I’m trusting that God will speak through me his words that he wants to put out into this world. I’m also trusting in his timing for this.

While on a walk recently, I was approached by a man who asked if he could pray for me. It caught me off guard as I was enjoying a lovely stroll with my guy. The man was kind and respectful enough to ask if he could lay hands on me. This isn’t the first time I have been approached like this. When this happens the prayers are usually a desperate plea for healing.  The person is very grieved for me and I find myself trying to comfort them. A hero in the faith Joni Earekson Tada has taught me how to respond in these situations and I’m so grateful for her advice. Joni has spent most of her life in a wheel chair due to a diving accident that has left her paralyzed. She has an incredible understanding of the theology of suffering and makes me want to grow deeper in my understanding of Christ and the power of the Gospel.

She has taught me to always welcome prayer but to be bold enough to ask the person to not just pray for my physical healing but most importantly to pray for my spiritual healing. I appreciate this advice because like Joni I want the person to know that my hope is not in living a life of comfort and ease. My hope is found in Christ and the hope of eternity with him. The hope that this is just a speck of time compared to eternity with no pain and suffering. What I need most is prayer to grow in hating my sin and to foster a deeper love for my savior. God can absolutely heal and when he chooses to he does so to show his glory. however the main goal in his healings are not to make us or others  comfortable. His ultimate plan is to rescue us from sin. I think we forget verses like 2 Corinthians 4 that remind us that our outer bodies are wasting away. Even if I received that physical healing it’s just temporary. my body will eventually fail and I’m going to die. I want to put my hope in something that will last. Don’t you?  Having this disability is hard and I grieve many things but I have also gained so much more than I could have ever imagined. Dependence on Christ, Recognition and repentance of sin, increased grace and compassion, a longing for heaven, a front row seat to generosity, a desperate need for his word, and lots of time to sit and be with Jesus. These are just a few of the things I have gained. 

It’s not wrong to ask for physical healing. God uses those healings. We should however be more concerned with the healing of our spiritual hearts. Praying that God would get rid of the darkness in us and make us more like him. 

Joni has taught me that Gods aim is not to make us healthy but to make us holy- and that it always begins with leaving sin behind and drawing closer to Christ. I have grown to realize this is far better than regaining the use of my lost muscles. 

New Year New Job

 It was exactly a year ago this week that Jason got laid off from his job. I remember that day so clearly. It was a mix of emotions for us. We had some warning that it was coming so it wasn’t a complete shock. In a lot of ways it was a relief to no longer have the potential loss looming over our heads. Excitement filled our hearts as we pondered what God had for us next. We had big dreams of what our next chapter could be. There was fear in the unknown but also immense gratitude that God had already begun providing a financial cushion for us. 

We spent the year fervently praying that God would use us in this time of waiting on him. I clung to verses like Philippians 4:19 “My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” This was a journey of daily prayerful dependence on our sovereign Lord. We desired to be obedient to his calling and wanted desperately to be used in ways that would make an impact on his kingdom. 

This news came just as my physical needs were progressing. Jason stepped into the role of my full time care giver.  We didn’t realize how much my needs were being neglected and because of his ability to be home my needs were now being met. This was a sweet gift from the Lord. The mental stress of jasons job and caring for medically fragile family members had taking a toll on Jason. This year long sabbatical provided Jason an opportunity to pour into Gods word and his people, to do the things he enjoys, concentrate on his families needs, and not have the demands of having his mind divided. We were so thankful for this year. Our marriage thrived as well as his spiritual and mental health.

Jason and I began to dream about doing ministry together and how the Lord might use our story to impact others. We were unsure how this would provide financially but we began to pray, seek wisdom from others, pour into books, speak, write, do Podcasts, minister to hurting people, etc.  We didn’t close off the idea of Jason going back to work full time using his gifts and financial degree if thats what the Lord had for him. He met with people and continued to put the word out. We prayed and waited for God to direct our path. We desired for Jason to still be able to work from home and have a job that was low demand and low stress. 

Through a connection from church God eventually answered our prayers and Jason will be working for Banc O Poplar as a financial analyst starting this Monday. He will be working from home full time. We are grateful that he will remain my caregiver but we will need prayer as we learn once again how to balance it all. Thank you for your constant support and unrelenting prayers.

If you are in a place of waiting take heart, Jesus does great work in the waiting. Rest assured he is not absent and will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory.

An Open Letter to my Husband on our 24th Wedding Anniversary.

 An Open Letter to my Husband on our 24th Wedding Anniversary.

Jason,

    Twenty four years ago this morning I woke up with a level of excitement I had never known. I couldn’t wait to marry you. I had no idea what our future held but I was confident with you by my side all would be ok. In many ways it was better than I could have imagined, especially as I look at our three beautiful children. It was also harder than I imagined as we would endure medical challenge after medical challenge that would test both our marriage and our faith. I have watched you make incredible sacrifices on our behalf. You have had to watch the love of your life physically waste away and adapt to these losses as you grieve what once was. You have always been willing to do whatever it takes to make things easier for me. I can’t imagine walking this road with out you. I’m so grateful for the ways I have seen you rely on the Lord for strength and grace that only he can provide. I’m so grateful that you understand that our marriage was uniquely crafted by God to mirror the relationship between Christ and HIS bride, the church. (Ephesians 5.) I’m grateful your desire is to serve your wife sacrificially and you strive to model the kind of love that only comes from the father. I’m so lucky that God gave you to me. Thank you for making me feel beautiful each and every day and for always wanting me to know that there is nobody else you would rather do life with. I pray the Lord would continue to bless our marriage and use it to glorify his name.  I’m so grateful to be called yours. Happy Anniversary my love. I love you.

Mel

Thanksgiving Service

 Last year our church had a Thanksgiving service leading up to the holiday.  It was a special time of hearing from a few people recount God's grace that had brought them through.  We were all so encouraged that they decided they would make it a regular thing each year.  I was asked if I could share this year and I jumped at the opportunity.  I knew it would be physically challenging and take a lot out of me but I had no idea how much breath it would take out of me.  I was thankful for my pal Donna and her willingness to help be my voice.  It really is sweet to see the body help be my hands and feet and even my voice.  I was so grateful for the experience and wanted to share with you the transcript of our time.  I hope it blesses you to see God's faithfulness in the hard.

Good morning, Grace family. It’s my privilege to share this moment with my dear friend, Melody Lietzau. She’s already a dear friend to many of you and if you don’t already know her, you willwant to after you hear her speak from her heart. I’m going to ask some questions for Mel to answer. Here we go.

Mel, I have some idea of what it requires for you to be here. You tire quickly, It will likely take you two days to recover from your exertion this morning, you had to use the chair lift to get on the stage, you will need to use your ventilator to help your breathing and have a liquid meal between services – it’s not easy to do this! Why did you say yes?

I’m always so thankful for any and every opportunity to share about God’s goodness and Grace in my life and I want to do that for as long as the Lord will let me. This is also a great opportunity for me to publicly say thank you to my beautiful church family. I’m going to try my best to get through it without being a blubbering mess. There is just nothing I love more than to talk about the goodness of God and the wonderful Grace he’s poured out in my life. As I look around this congregation I’m overwhelmed by the love I continuously receive from you my church body. You all love so well and I have learned so much from so many of you about what it means to love others and to comfort others with the comfort you yourselves receive from the Lord, to weep with those who weep, and to give generously and sacrificially both with your gifts and time.

Mel, can you tell us about your family and how long you have been attending Grace?

Im married to my wonderful husband Jason and we have three kids. Noah is a student at Biola, Jonah is a senior in high school, and our beautiful Hannah who we had the privilege of adopting from China is a freshman in high school. We have had the privilege of being apart of Grace for over twenty years now. It is our family, Our Home. When we first attended this church I was not in this fancy chair and in fact I was running all over campus, walking up and down those front steps believe it or not. Getting down on the floor playing with the toddlers and babies in the nest. Even line dancing at the July 3rd picnic. I have had the incredible opportunity of sitting under incredible rich Gospel focused teaching. In that wonderful teaching I have been challenged continually to prepare my heart for suffering. I was often told from the pulpit if I wasn’t already experiencing suffering to prepare my heart that it would come eventually and was often challenged to ask where I was putting my hope. Was I putting my hope in the things of the world or in my sovereign savior? I look back and can see the ways the Lord was using HIS church to prepare me for the path of suffering that was to come.

Our family’s story is unique and filled with lots of grief, joy, redemption, God’s Grace, and lots of mercy.

 Sometimes people are afraid to ask, but you don’t mind sharing! As a matter of fact, you are really good at educating people. So, what exactly is your diagnosis?

I was diagnosed with a rare form of Muscular Dystrophy about 12 years ago. Hard to believe it’s actually been that long. It is a disease that I was born with but didn’t actually start showing symptoms until late adulthood. It has no cure and over time all the muscles in your body including your heart and lungs begin to weaken and start to lose function. It has already affected my heart leaving me with a pacer and defibrillator, my ability to walk, eat and swallow, my breathing and talking, and so much more. Having a progressive disease where your body slowly deteriorates over time is Hard. You are constantly faced with having to grieve loss and just when you begin to accept one loss you are hit with another one. It’s not just me who feel those losses but the people around me feel them as well and grieve for me. so often it can be difficult for people around me to accept and understand this.

What bible passage has been helpful for you as you live with a degenerative disease?

People lovingly ask and want to know if there is a fix for this. They want to know if I will ever get better or they will ask if I have seen any improvements in my condition. The answer I usually give is physically no but spiritually yes.
I often point them to a verse that has been one that I have leaned on and gained much hope from. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

I want them to understand that although my outer body is wasting away my inner body is being renewed day by day. This is the way God is putting his glory on display in my life. He is continually growing my heart and dependence on him. as I lean into him for strength and leading.

He really does draw near to the broken hearted and I think sometimes we can miss it as we are expecting him to take our hard completely away.

We have expectations in the way he draws near to us but the lord always draws near in the ways that he thinks are good for us.
Sometimes that means not taking the difficult away but helping us walk through it.

I’m so thankful that The Holy Spirit is continually working on the interior of my life and transforming my faith. Not only making me more like him but giving me a longing and a hope for heaven.

How have your thoughts about heaven changed?

I’m consumed every day with the thought of heaven. Tracy Manson and I would talk about that a lot. Most of you know Tracy. She was a member here at Grace who battled cancer and went home to be with the Lord recently.
Through our sufferings we created a special bond and we would spend time regularly together. We would often talk about how before our diagnosis there would be many days where we didn’t think much about eternity with our Heavenly Father. We went about our lives as busy moms and wives and didn’t really give it much thought. It’s not that we didn’t have eternal hope we just weren’t consumed by it. Walking a hard road of suffering puts you in position where it’s all you think about and long for and oh what a gift that is to be consumed by the hope of eternity. That is the grace that is bringing me through.

Mel, you shared with me that in an episode of season 3 of The Chosen, one scene really made an impact on you. It was when Little James approached Jesus to hesitantly ask a question. Little James’ body is crooked and he walks with a limp and a walking sick. After Jesus had just commissioned the other disciples to go out and heal the sick and the lame, Little James follows him out and has an emotional conversation with Jesus. Little James asks why Jesus had not healed him. Mel, how does the scene unfold and why did it make such an impact on you?

Rather than try to summarize the scene we are going to show a portion of the clip. I highly encourage you all to go home and watch the whole thing. The reason this made such an impact on me is because watching Jesus talk to little James I could relate. I felt every word he was saying. I felt like Jesus was directly speaking to me giving me and others the assurance that our suffering is not the void of God’s good for us. Lets take a look.

I feel this immense gratitude that the Lord has found me worthy of this calling and has trusted me with this hard diagnosis to help proclaim his goodness. I want to use every ounce of my suffering as a witness to the truth and glory of Christ.

I don’t want to waste any of it by complaining and being defeated by my circumstances and not thinking about my eternal hope. I desire to use it as an opportunity to show how glorious Christ is and how he is so much more important than anything else this world has to offer. I take comfort in Paul’s words in Philippians 4:16 when he says My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.

Gods grace is sufficient and The grace and peace of the Lord becomes beautiful to us when we recognize just how much we need it.

It’s important for me to look back and remember Gods faithfulness and look ahead to his promises of eternity with no pain and suffering and remember that it’s all light and momentary. Giving thanks to Christ that one day we will be healed. It’s only a matter of time.