Yesterday I celebrated my 36th birthday. I know what a gift from the Lord that is more than ever. My father who I never really got the privilege of meeting died at the age of 34. My son although he looks healthy is dying from his heart disease, our dear grandfather died last November, and our precious daughter almost did not make it three and a half years ago.
Life is precious and it certainly is a gift from the Lord. Only the Lord controls our final breath. I have thought about that more in the last year than ever before. I admit I sometimes get overwhelmed with fear and will have some hard days not being able to shake that at any moment my son could go into heart failure with the possibility of not making it. We thought by now he would have his new heart and be playing soccer this fall. He wants more than anything to play soccer. The days continue to go by and the worry intensifies for me. I hate that I worry because I really do trust completely that God knows better than I. One particular morning after a bad dream I had, I needed to hold Noah in my arms. My sweet son comforted me by saying, "Mom you know that whatever happens to me it will be ok." I was so thankful for those words of comfort. So thankful that the Lord has given him such peace as he walks this hard road.
When we first heard the news of Noah needing a new heart. I couldn't breathe. It felt as though someone knocked the wind out of me. I remember a mentor asking me what I feared the most. Of coarse loosing him I said. He then asked would that really be the worst thing if you were confident he was in the arms of his savior. No but selfishly I want him in my arms for longer. I understood what he was saying and have carried it with me. My mentor continued on by saying" When we lose a loved one we grieve the loss we feel of not having them with us. We should feel excitement and jealousy knowing they are in a place where there is no more pain and sorrow and only goodness beyond anything we could imagine or be able to give them ourselves." Such good and honest words to hear.
I'm so thankful to have those that will speak truth in our lives. Often people will say I know it's all gonna work out and Noah is gonna make it. I know people mean well and they want to believe that but it's just not the truth. We don't know that it will all be ok and work out, but we do know that we can get through it if we have Jesus. This is the Hope we have. The HOPE in Jesus. Nothing else can help us get through a situation like this. Nothing else can take away my worry, pain, and grief. He has been faithful to show his love and grace over and over and over again.
If you want to know Joy like no other Know Jesus. Don't know how ask me and I will tell you.
I'm finding myself at a loss for wordsAnd the funny thing is it's okayThe last thing I need is to be heardBut to hear what You would say