The past three weeks have been difficult both physically for me and emotionally. I feel like we have been dealt so much that I have reached my limits and am having a hard time maintaining joy through this process. It's a struggle. I don't want to feel this way. I have so much to be thankful for not to mention that I deserve nothing yet God continues to bless. It is a struggle physically to walk and do the things that once came so easy for me and that has taken a toll on me. Every fall is a reminder of my loss of independence and my dependence on braces, wheel chairs, and others. I want Jesus to be enough for me and so I struggle to fight for Joy. We had a scare with Hannah this week that just sent me over the edge. She is fine and we are so grateful but I cried out to the Lord enough is enough. I'm weak and can't bare any more pain. I long for heaven more than I ever have. I just long for the day he will wipe my tears away and there will be no more pain. These are big things, and sometimes have been really hard to bare. There have been days where I have cried out to God to give me strength to face another day. God has been faithful in his word to show me how intentional he is in our suffering. It’s all so that the works of God can be displayed. What helps me get through these tough moments is knowing that Not only is God in control of our trials but he purposes them for our good.
- John 9 where Jesus heals the blind man. Is a perfect example of this
"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."" - John 9:1-3 (NIV)
We might think that it was rather hard on this man to suffer blindness, just so Jesus could come along and heal him. But Jesus tells us that this made all those years of suffering worthwhile. As difficult as it is for us to understand and accept, serving as the object of Jesus’ healing power was of greater worth than a lifetime of perfect vision. Similarly, God may have a purpose for our illness that we do not yet understand.
Heres a passage that has been an encouragement to me
So we do not lose heart. fThough our outer self4 is wasting away, gour inner self his being renewed day by day. 17 For ithis light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, 18 jas we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
It'S NOT SAYING IN THIS PASSAGE that it takes the difficulty away and that all these things aren’t horrible and painful right now and that we should go through life saying everything is fantastic AND It doesn’t mean that because God uses these difficulties that we are to love them. Its just saying that it is nothing compared to what is waiting for us. Something far better than we can even imagine. An Eternity with our Heavenly father.
I will continue to fight for joy knowing these truths and knowing that these light momentary afflictions are preparing for us something better than we could ever imagine. Thank you for allowing us to be real and vulnerable through this journey and thank you for lifting us up in prayer. We are thankful for you all.