I have the desire to blog more this year. I think the thing that often prevents me from accomplishing this goal besides the mental energy, is often not knowing what to write about. I decided to pose a question on IG asking what people would like me to write about. I was so delighted to get the topic above. How able bodied people can come along side others with Chronic Illness. I want to start by saying I don’t speak for all people I can only speak for me and my experience living with a chronic illness or disability.
I love the way this question was worded. Why? Well for one I know the dear lady who asked the question and so I know her heart is to truly come along side others. The other reason is because to me it shows recognition that I’m not able bodied. It’s an acceptance. The first thing able bodied people can do is to recognize and accept the persons chronic illness or disability. This is extremely hard to do in general but especially if it’s somebody you care about. Being in denial over it and not acknowledging it can make the person not feel seen by you. How do you acknowledge it? By not being afraid to talk about it and ask questions. It doesn’t mean that it has to be your only interactions but by not ever acknowledging it or checking in to see how the person is feeling is like ignoring a huge piece of that persons life. A person with chronic illness doesn’t want to always burden you with discussing their health issues but if you ask it helps us feel that you are truly interested.
A chronic condition or disability isn’t going anywhere so show your friend that you aren’t either. Living with a disability can feel isolating. Show them that you are in it for the long haul. What does this look like? Check in on them frequently not just when an emergency happens. One of the things I love most is when I get an encouraging scripture, article, worship song, or somebody asking how they can specifically be praying for me. This shows me that I’m being thought of and it shows intentionality.
Giving of your time is another huge thing you can do. We live in a busy fast paced world. You feel often like you are watching life happening all around you but aren't apart of it. People with disabilities are forced to slow down and rest a lot. When you give of your time we know what a huge gift that is. This may look like just visiting the person and sitting with them, or it could also mean getting the person out. I often want to get out, go to the beach, take a drive, etc. but I know that it is extra work and don’t want to burden someone. When my friends have said hey can I pick you up and take you to run errands with me, or can I take you to lunch etc. I know they want to do this and I know they understand that it’s extra work. They also are understanding if I just don’t have the energy. Don’t not invite your friend to functions because you think it will be hard on them or you think your place or function can’t accommodate their needs. Let them decide if it can’t work for them. Maybe even ask how you can best accommodate them. I was going to a ladies home bible study and before it started the host said her husband had set up a ramp for my wheel chair and asked if anything else would be helpful. She even had a special reclining chair for me. I was brought to tears that she was thinking of every way to best accommodate for my needs. It made me feel loved and seen and really wanted.
I have had a few friends offer to take me to doctor apts. I love this because it gives them a chance to understand the disability so much more and gives my regular caretakers a much needed break. It takes vulnerability also so don’t get offended if the person doesn’t take you up on the offer. The important thing is you asked. Every time you ask to help it makes us feel cared for.
Little things go along way to brighten someone’s day, a text, a card, a sweet tea😂, a visit, a walk, a talk.
Pouring into my family is another great way. Being full time caregivers can be tiring. So meals, running errands, house help is another great way to come along side them and me. It frees them up to help care better for our needs.
I hope these things have been helpful. A really good book that I highly recommend on this topic is “ Just Show Up” by Jill Lynn Buteyn and Kara Tippetts. It's both written from a terminally ill person and her best friend.
Again thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I'am always so humbled by that. If you have a topic you would love to hear me write about. Please drop me a message.
Mel
