Never Alone

Thank you for allowing me to share. Not just the days that I feel so much peace I could burst but also the days that are long and weary.  Thank you for pointing my eyes back to the one who is the lifter of my head.  This road for us is one thats marked with continual loss and grief but its also one with amazing opportunity to see God at work in the most precious ways. The last two weeks there have been countless times of God working in and through his people to show us encouragement.  God used several people to speak love and truth to my heart, as I studied Joshua for bible study, he spoke to my heart in reminding me how sovereign he is and how we are never fighting the battles alone.  He poured out his love in the form of homemade meals, texts, and phone calls.

 I'm always so touched by strangers around the world that would take the time to read our story, pray, and encourage our family.  Today I got the sweetest package in the mail.  My dear friend Kelly had nominated our family to be the recipients of some kindness from The Good King.  Look them up on Facebook.  They are a non profit company who create coloring pages for kids and adults to color and write a message. They send out a story and ask people all over the world to pray over the family and color a page.  They collect all the pages and mail them out.  Today we got ours and let me tell you it was such a joy not just to me but my children as well.  We spent time pouring over each one and just smiling over the Love we felt receiving them.  He once again reminded me to trust.  Trust that he is doing a beautiful work in and through the hard.  There is purpose in the pain and I will never know the extent to which he is using this battle for his glory.  Thank you Jesus for allowing me to see a few this week.  You are so gracious.

Thank you, all, those who have walked with us near and those who are walking just as closely from a distance. I have felt so very loved. Our family has been embraced, been prayed for, and  peace keeps showing up in real ways. I know I am not facing these physical challenges alone. Hard days are coming, and I’m counting on you all to point me to the grace that I know is waiting for me in those days.

May I run and not grow weary

Thank you to so many of you who prayed for Noah’s Cardiac transplant clinic appointment.  Last visit they pushed Noah’s appointments to every six months.  This was great news but also the longest he has gone in the five years that we have been going to clinic.  This made me anxious for some reason leading up to this appointment.  I feel like I can never fully accept the good news without always waiting for the next ball to drop.  We haven’t exactly had the most smoothest ride these past six years.  We go long enough to take a big breathe and then go straight into the next big situation.  I’m always trying to be on guard waiting and preparing myself. That might be a coping strategy of some sort.  It brings me comfort when I have all the knowledge and Im prepared. Ha! I’m not sure that’s where God wants me though.  If we are always prepared then we operate without really needing him.  I feel like I’m able to accept what we have been dealt with and trust that God is working out his plan in each situation and I know with all my heart that there is purpose in it.  I just have a hard time trusting that everything is fine and is going to stay that way.  It’s like I’m always waiting for it. Waiting for the next big tidal wave to hit. This is how I went into todays appointment.  When the doctor came in and said his heart echo’s just keep looking better.  My heart felt relief but still not able to fully celebrate.  Don’t get me wrong I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I was to hear those words.  I’m so thankful but I still live each day wondering when it’s going to decline. I’m fearful of what could come next. They still want to do a Cardiac MRI to get a better look.  I think to myself Is this the test that creates the next tidal wave.  Why am I so fearful of what’s to come next?  I mean after all the Lord continues to show an immeasurable ways his goodness in the midst of these trials. He uses them over and over for his good.  We are just so tired and fear the emotional weariness that comes with each big wave.  Each day is a battle friends. Some days we feel strong and some days we just don’t.  I always want to be real with where I’m at.  It’s a struggle.  The last few weeks have been hard.  Noah is continually feeling the effects of his Muscular Dystrophy progressing and the doctor appointments for him have picked up.  After a wonderful meeting with Noah’s school they helped us adjust his schedule.  He comes home at lunch which has allowed him some much needed rest and availability for appointments.  It’s hard to watch his muscles start to fatigue and see things that were once easy to do become difficult. God is growing him and will no doubt continue to use him.  I want to be a good model for him of trusting and persevering.  I Know I can only do this with the Lord’s help.  Please pray for us friends.  Pray that God would meet me in my weariness. That tomorrow would be a new day.  An opportunity to meditate on Mathew 6:33-34.  That I would lay my fears at his feet, trusting that he has us all in the palm of his hands. Pray that we would not grow weary, that we would run to Jesus every time.  Thank you for allowing us to pour out our hearts and for continuing to walk this road with us.  We are grateful for you.