May I run and not grow weary

Thank you to so many of you who prayed for Noah’s Cardiac transplant clinic appointment.  Last visit they pushed Noah’s appointments to every six months.  This was great news but also the longest he has gone in the five years that we have been going to clinic.  This made me anxious for some reason leading up to this appointment.  I feel like I can never fully accept the good news without always waiting for the next ball to drop.  We haven’t exactly had the most smoothest ride these past six years.  We go long enough to take a big breathe and then go straight into the next big situation.  I’m always trying to be on guard waiting and preparing myself. That might be a coping strategy of some sort.  It brings me comfort when I have all the knowledge and Im prepared. Ha! I’m not sure that’s where God wants me though.  If we are always prepared then we operate without really needing him.  I feel like I’m able to accept what we have been dealt with and trust that God is working out his plan in each situation and I know with all my heart that there is purpose in it.  I just have a hard time trusting that everything is fine and is going to stay that way.  It’s like I’m always waiting for it. Waiting for the next big tidal wave to hit. This is how I went into todays appointment.  When the doctor came in and said his heart echo’s just keep looking better.  My heart felt relief but still not able to fully celebrate.  Don’t get me wrong I can’t even begin to tell you how thankful I was to hear those words.  I’m so thankful but I still live each day wondering when it’s going to decline. I’m fearful of what could come next. They still want to do a Cardiac MRI to get a better look.  I think to myself Is this the test that creates the next tidal wave.  Why am I so fearful of what’s to come next?  I mean after all the Lord continues to show an immeasurable ways his goodness in the midst of these trials. He uses them over and over for his good.  We are just so tired and fear the emotional weariness that comes with each big wave.  Each day is a battle friends. Some days we feel strong and some days we just don’t.  I always want to be real with where I’m at.  It’s a struggle.  The last few weeks have been hard.  Noah is continually feeling the effects of his Muscular Dystrophy progressing and the doctor appointments for him have picked up.  After a wonderful meeting with Noah’s school they helped us adjust his schedule.  He comes home at lunch which has allowed him some much needed rest and availability for appointments.  It’s hard to watch his muscles start to fatigue and see things that were once easy to do become difficult. God is growing him and will no doubt continue to use him.  I want to be a good model for him of trusting and persevering.  I Know I can only do this with the Lord’s help.  Please pray for us friends.  Pray that God would meet me in my weariness. That tomorrow would be a new day.  An opportunity to meditate on Mathew 6:33-34.  That I would lay my fears at his feet, trusting that he has us all in the palm of his hands. Pray that we would not grow weary, that we would run to Jesus every time.  Thank you for allowing us to pour out our hearts and for continuing to walk this road with us.  We are grateful for you.