A lot has transpired over the coarse of the last six weeks. Sometimes it’s almost comical to us when we say it all out loud. It’s just a lot sometimes. I have had a hard time processing it all and often feel emotionally exhausted. I feel weighed down by it all and at the same time I feel a sense of gratitude for what we experience God doing in the midst of it. It’s strange isn’t it, how you can experience both? I’m Thankful for a beautiful friend who has sent me scripture every day for the past month. It’s been like an IV drip that my body so desperately needs and that I shouldn’t neglect especially when I feel at my worst.
Let me take you back six weeks. We had just said good night to Hannah and Jason was helping me into bed. Just to give you an idea of what that looks like. Jason helps me out of my wheel chair and holding onto him in a standing position, I’m able to shuffle a few steps to the bed. This particular night my legs did not feel as strong and my right leg gave out causing me to fall. Since I was holding onto Jason he was able to soft land me onto the floor but my leg bent somehow. He scooped me up and placed me onto the bed. I was in excruciating pain from my leg and had trouble sleeping that night. We thought it was just sore from the fall. The next morning my leg and knee were so swollen we knew something was wrong. We went to urgent care where they did X-rays and determined I had broken my femur bone just above my knee. Since then I have had to keep it immobilized and have two people carry me around to the shower, toilet, bed, etc. I was in extreme pain for a few weeks. The pain has finally become tolerable and I’m hopefully on the tail end of things. Hoping this Tuesday that I will be cleared to start bearing weight again. Bearing weight will allow me to use the restroom on my own restoring some dignity and independence. You can only imagine how hard that’s been. I’m so grateful for an incredible husband who has served his wife so beautifully and sacrificially. You all need to know he is the real hero in this.
A week or so ago Noah went to UCLA to have a biopsy to check on some rejection he has been dealing with since earlier this year. So far it has been manageable. He had this procedure on a Monday. On Tuesday the team from UCLA called and told us they wanted to admit Noah into the ICU to start some aggressive treatments. The rejection was worse and we were now dealing with two types. You can read all about it here on the caring bridge site:
We now wait a month or so to see if the treatments have worked. He will need to be extra careful while he rebuilds his immune system. This news was not what we wanted to hear and it certainly wasn’t what we wanted to walk through. We thought we would have years before we were dealing with rejection. It’s not what any one of us wanted but Noah is stable and they are working hard to keep it that way.
I was immediately reminded of a conversation I recently had with a friend . I was offering some encouragement because she was having a hard time trusting the Lord with her oldest and some upcoming life decisions. Little did I know God would use this conversation to remind me of those same words and challenge me with them a week later. I was telling her that we fear watching our kids go through hard things but it is in the trials, in the wilderness where we grow more like Jesus. He provides exactly what we need. It’s where we see him, we depend on him and recognize our need for him. Those very things refine us. It’s hard to look at the valleys in that way. It’s scary. It’s hard to watch someone you love suffer even when you know it produces good. I’m sure I have mentioned this before. My favorite C.S Lewis quote is what he said after his wife was diagnosed with Cancer. He said “I have no doubt God will be good to us, I just don’t know how hard that good will be. I feel this for both Noah and my situation.
As I sit and reflect, these come to mind. Rejoice with me.
Things I’m thankful for:
Noah is stable
There is treatment available
Insurance and good hospital team
My fracture did not require surgery
Noahs hospital treatment was not when I was in extreme pain so I could be present.
A wonderful caregiver/Helper that started helping a few days a week.
My Husband and Hannah who have literally carried me around multiple times a day.
Beautiful cards, meals, texts, and flowers
The word of God
So much more that I know I’m forgetting.
Prayer requests:
Ongoing treatment for Noah and that his next biopsy will show the treatment is working.
Good results for Mel at her orthopedic apt. next week. Praying I can start bearing weight. Pray for no set backs with my muscle weakness.
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