Feeling Good

I want to thank you for all the encouraging words regarding my last post.  I hate those days when my joy has been sucked dry and I'm down and out.  So Thankful for how God quickly restores my soul and lifts me up out of the pit.  We have the most wonderful God who is so faithful in reminding us that he is here.  That he will never leave us or forsake us.  It was a really hard week where I felt just exhausted emotionally and physically.  The physical limitations get to me sometimes.  I have an amazing trainer who is so positive and he set up a game plan to help my strength.  I had stopped taking creatine(a muscle builder) for about three months I just missed a few and got out of the habit.  He urged me to restart and also encouraged me to start taking an anabolic steroid called Anavar.  He has been talking about Anavar for a year.  He said it has really helped Aids patients in regaining strength and athletes to recover faster.  I had been hesitant.  I don't like to put stuff in my body that Im not familiar with and I needed to check with my heart doctor.  The week I was down caused me to be at a place where I was willing to try anything that would help my situation.  I started on both these things last week.  I have already seen a remarkable difference especially in my pain.  I was able to do a full Costco trip without pain. Thats huge for me.  I also had a crazy idea to start riding a bike again.  The first attempt did not go over well but I was determined to keep trying.  Today I got back on the bike with my trainer and successfully rode on my own.  I'm over the moon happy and pray that I will continue to increase my strength.  I do not want to let this disease defeat me.  God is so present in those hard moments when we don't feel him near and I know he was whispering in my ear saying if only you can see what I have in store for you next week baby girl, You would wipe away those tears immediately.  He is ALWAYS working all things together for good.

Some days are hard

I have had the desire to post many times but have lacked the energy.  It seems that we are in a holding pattern these days.  We are waiting for "the call", waiting for a diagnosis with me (still), and waiting until Hannah's next surgery.  Waiting can be hard I for one have never been good at it.  I remember when I was young unwrapping my Christmas presents and then taping them back together.  Don't tell my kids :) This is certainly not as fun as that thats for sure :)  I'm usually more positive on this blog but I also like to be real.  The truth is I'm struggling with waiting.  My legs have gotten weaker and it has caused more frustration in me.  I can't walk very far without being in pain and my legs tiring out.  It reminds me how frail I'm getting and it is just plain frustrating.  It's hard enough trying to take care of three kids not to mention  two with special needs and homeschool and be a good wife.  My mind wants to do it and my body says no you can't.  This year my kids have seen me fall a dozen times, use a wheel chair and lay in bed with heat bags.  I know things could be worse and I know this is so the works of God can be displayed but it still SUCKS sometimes and I think it's okay to admit it as long as we don't stay in it.  I'm longing for the day when there is no more pain. God is always faithful to bring me out of this and I know he will bring back the joy. His mercies are new every morning.  For now would you please wrap our family in prayer.

I will be making an Apt. at UCLA for myself to find out what the next steps are in finding me a diagnosis.  We are also working on finding a good Neurologist closer that could help when needs arise. Pray that I would find joy in the difficult days.

Pray for Noah that God would protect his heart until he gets his new one.  That he would remain healthy and positive and lean on the Lord.

Jason as he cares for us all.

Hannah that she would remain stable and not have to have her next surgery until we get done with Noah's.

Jonah that he would not be scared for his family members and that he would cling to you in the midst of all that is going on.  That he would feel just as loved and important.

We are so thankful for all of your love and support .

Happy 10th Birthday!!

Noah we love you so much and now more than ever we don't take any day for granted that we get to be your mom and dad.  The Lord gave us a precious gift ten years ago.  We couldn't be more proud of the sweet young man that you have become.  We love your heart and your compassion for others.  We love how you have accepted your diagnosis and have seen the Lord at work through your circumstances. We Love that you love Jesus.  You are wise above your years.  Happy Birthday sweet boy.