Fourth Times A Charm......Maybe????

Sitting here numb in disbelief that this has actually been my life the past 10 weeks. I was just starting to turn a corner. Hopeful that I was drawing near to the end of my recovery. My weight is up, pain has lessened, energy is up.  Then the doctor lays another bombshell on me. Granted it's not his fault, he's just the messenger.  After careful monitoring of the new defibrillator they determined that the lead wire has dislodged from my heart and I will need to have ANOTHER SURGERY. Yep if you have all been keeping track this will be 4 in 10 weeks.  I can't even begin to tell you the disappointment I feel. These 10 weeks have been some of the hardest our family has had to face and if you have been following this blog for sometime and know our story we have faced some doozies. We are exhausted and weary and this surgery will come at some hard costs. I don't mean financially.  Jason will need to give up his spot on the Japan mission trip, and I will have to have a huge level of trust sending Noah, Jason will have to miss more work, Jason along with many others will have to put on their care giver hats, my kids will not be able to rely on me once again during my recovery and they will have to watch me endure more pain and more time strapped to a bed, longer time that I will not be able to drive, Grandparents will give up more of their time and the list goes on.  We know and believe God is at work in all of this and that his ways are wiser than ours.  Sometimes it's hard to make sense of it all and that's when the rubber meets the road right? That's when all we have is to choose to trust. I choose to trust even when it's hard to keep enduring the pain. I choose to trust even when I'm exhausted and out of strength. I choose to trust when I see the tears from my kids faces as I tell them hard news.  Yes I choose to trust. Is it easy? Nope but it's all I got. All I can do is revert back to God's truths. Lean in and let him carry me through. Let him be the lifter of our heads, let him guide my ways. I give it all up to him and I choose to trust.  Please pray that we can do this well. We pray for wisdom that we would be faithful to glorify him in the midst of these hard things. Pray for our kids, for our marriage, for all the doctors and staff, pray for no more complications.  You all have been carrying us so faithfully and thank you never seems like enough. We are getting through this because of your love and support so thank you❤️