God does not leave his children indefinitely in the depths of sorrow

 John Piper has this to say about suffering. There are nutrients that we draw out of seasons of suffering that are strengthening to the bones of our faith and sweetening to the marrow of our faith like we can’t get any other way. Eat them. Go ahead and eat them. As long as God keeps you in that season, don’t waste it by wishing and wishing, wishing you’d be out of it. Go ahead and eat the fruit that grows on that tree alone.  Savor the special promised nearness of the Lord. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” There is a unique and special promised nearness that you will enjoy. Yes, that is a tearful, painful, true word you will enjoy that you will not have once the sun comes out again. Wait for God’s timing of healing and restoration. Psalm 30:5 says, “His anger is but for a moment, and his favor is for a lifetime. Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning.” I don’t think the point of that is about the clock, like sadness at dusk, joy at dawn every day. That’s not the point of that statement. The point is God does not leave his children indefinitely in the depths of sorrow. Joy comes eventually when dawn comes, and it comes in God’s timing. The older you get, the more you know that terrible things don’t have the same horrible gut punch as time goes by. In the moment of loss, when you get that phone call, that utter disappointment, that painful email, a dream is shattered, a massive disappointment, something you thought would never happen — and you feel in those first hours, “There’s no way I can live with this. There’s no way I can live with this.” God’s timing is very mysterious in its effects because the next day it’s a little different, and the next day it’s a little different. A week later it’s a little different. Everybody moves at different paces, but God uses time and grace to take away the sense of impossibility of life.

The last few weeks have wrecked me and left me broken. I have not wanted to be in this place again.  I do not want to watch my son go through this. Piper is correct in that each day it’s a little different and God in his grace continues to take the pain away as I lean into him.  I’am not unfamiliar with this place.  I have been here many times.  I have gotten hard news and wondered how I would move forward in humble obedience.  I have forgotten the ways God literally has carried me through my deepest painful times.  I know he will do it again and again. I know with certainty he will use every ounce of it for his good.  I know because I can look back and count the myriad of ways he has done so in my life.  A couple things that brought me comfort over the last few weeks were remembering that Jesus in his human form asked the Lord not once but three times if there was any other way please take this cup from me.  He understood the assignment but the thought of seeing those he loved suffer and enduring the pain was too much.  He knew the beauty that was to come but it still brought him to his knees.  I felt closer to Jesus these weeks knowing he understood my pain.  I was also reminded by a sweet conversation with a friend about the time Jesus was in the boat with his disciples and a big storm came.  The disciples were freaking out and Jesus was calmly asleep in the boat.   They woke him up and he told the storm to be quiet and the storm calmed and Jesus asked why they were so afraid.  Jesus was literally in the boat with them and they were afraid.  I could picture the crazy storm of my life and it made me realize I could run around in fear and trembling or I could snuggle up to Jesus under his warm calming embrace trusting that he can calm the storms of my life.  I want desperately to stay in the boat curled up next to my heavenly father.  The third reminder for me came at a funeral I attended yesterday of an incredibly faithful devoted servant.  The day he passed one of our elders told the wife that her husband was born for this day.  Wow! Such powerful words.  He was born for this day where he would get to meet his savior face to face.  We are so blessed to be created in God’s image, to be a vessel and imitators of him, and to get to spend eternity glorifying him. Im going to hold onto that powerful phrase.

Noah has officially been put back on the Heart Transplant List. The doctors feel that because they don’t know how quickly Noahs heart failure will progress this is best.  It also allows them time to accept the best heart for Noah.  We are still hopeful that it could be awhile before transplant.  Noah looks great.  His numbers are high but he doesn’t feel terrible.  This is encouraging to us and the doctors and also a bit confusing as he doesn’t fit the standard mold of someone with his condition. He is being closely monitored and we trust his team at UCLA. Our prayer is for Noah to continue feeling good for as long as he can.  Transplant is a wonderful life saving option.  However it comes with lots of pain as someone is losing a life to give the gift of life.  It is something we have a hard time praying for.  Our prayer has always been to heal and protect Noah’s heart.  Please pray for us all to walk in humble obedience, to trust the one who calms the storms, and to live boldly  for the day we get to meet our savior face to face.