I’m sitting here in the quiet overwhelmed by God’s goodness. Like seriously ugly crying. The waterworks are flowing yet I’m smiling. You guys ever have those moments? Why is it one moment you can feel so down and frustrated and the next you feel like your going to burst from the joy you feel inside? This happens so much for me. It’s easy to get down and frustrated by my circumstances. I mean from the moment I wake up to the moment I lie down to go to sleep all I think about is how to make things physically easier for me. I have to think about not falling on the way to the restroom, who’s going to help get me dressed for the day etc. I feel guilty for not being the kind of wife, mother, and friend I think everyone deserves. I get disappointed, and feel the losses greatly. Every new loss is like a sucker punch to the gut. Yet the Lord is constantly working on me and he constantly uses his people to bring me encouragement. This week I got the most beautiful heartfelt Christmas card in the mail from Jonah(see picture below). Jason started to read it out loud and couldn’t make it past the third sentence. He was overcome with emotion. I took over and only got through the next two. Wow! This kid blows me away by his tender heart. It was exactly what I needed. A sweet reminder that it doesn’t matter that they have a mom who is limited in her physical abilities. They see (more than me sometimes) how God is using it for good. The very next day I got an unexpected card with an unexpected gift for our family and again I was taken back. I feel like when these moments happen it’s God giving me a sweet embrace letting me know he is near and that their is purpose in the pain.
Last week Our Sermon was continuing the Christmas Story and he focused in on the fact that Nothing is Impossible with God. It was a really good message and hard one at the same time. He challenged us to think about what we are holding back from thinking God can do. I feel like I believe and know that he CAN do anything. So I know that he CAN take this disease from us I just don’t think he will. I guess I’m afraid to think he will maybe out of fear of being disappointed. Which challenged me to ask myself, if I know that God can do the impossible, and work mightily through this challenge we face, would I want him to take it away? This is something I wrestle with all the time and I have come to the conclusion that it’s ok to hate the suffering while at the same time being so grateful for it. Jesus himself asked in Luke 22:42 “Father if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless not my will, but yours, be done.” So this is my prayer Father if you are willing, but not my will, but thine be done.
I pray that you would Know that All things ARE possible with God. I pray that you would marvel at the incredible story of our Saviors Birth and realize what an incredible gift HE is.